a dream fulfilled and lost

I've not written in ages... i guess the great stop is due to the helluva emotional and experiential ride of a life I've had since may 16th till up to this moment....

From my ORD and freedom on 11th June, to the various orientation camps between July and Aug, including the LTO BBQs and the carrier factory work I did inbetween... I must say that like the army, I would'nt have given it up for anything in the world !

Anyways, todays post is supposed to be a sad one... I finally got my Leica M8 in August just before school officially started lessons. I had 2 lenses shipped to singapore, and they just arrived last week. Sadly, my M8 decided to die on me on monday evening.. I sent it down to camerahospital and the guy behind the counter told me that it was highly possible that the powerboard was gone, in short, i would have to pay 3000 for repairs, which is more or less the same price as a 2nd hand M8... making my M8 the most expensive display item I ever owned...

what are the implications ???

1. I do not have enough $s to pay for a brand new or 2nd hand M8..

2. I vested all my $s on this M8 when I got it (4yrs worth of buying, selling, saving like cock on all my camera stuffs was inside this M8)

3. even if it can be fixed for a lower price, I probably can't cough it out immediately

4. the EARLIEST time i can foresee myself with a decent camera will be mid next year... which means I go NY with little more than a lousy HP camera or at best a pns .... ( i got this M8 for street photog in NY ... like thanks for fucking me over by getting spoilt !)

What do I tell myself ???? - FUCK MY LIFE ! and even as I type this, I have a test to START studying for which is on next friday, a project to carry out which requires me to go down to sembwawang for 3 days next week (rmemeber the test on friday !) AND a retarded 700 word essay tts due on friday too.... just fucking kill me already... i'm literally single, broke and desperate .... so I say agian , FML...

Ok ! So I met DS on one of my 2 OFFs last week, we decided to get some at Paragon (my initial plan was Da Paolo Gastronomia), but that was a flop cause it turned out to be a bakery/take out cafe. We nearly gave into Thai Express (was working on a below $15 budget). But decided to walk around to look for more food.

One of the worst things I honestly HATE about meet ups is finding for food places .... Granted, I've eaten at many places which are commendable, but at that PRECISE moment, I just cannot remember which places to go for off hand (especially if there are parameters set in like budget, a/c, good service required etc.) I decided to go for the "cannot fail" option, which is ION Orchard basement food court, but that failed too .... (sometimes I think that perhaps I'm over reading into peoples body language. I could not tell exactly what he liked, every suggestion was replied with a - "ok, no problem"). Anyways, I was also on OFF on that day, and I did not wanna "risk wasting it" eating expensive food court stuff.

Just as I was about to think of another place to head down to, this Go!Go! Curry ! popped into mind. Had walked past it several times, but never had the chance to get in.

The curry was thick, rice was solid and the pork was tender (some places [like the NP canteen tonkatsu] serves like SUPER thin pork which has been fried till its tough as hell !), luckily for us, this was not the case. The restaurant has 3 different serving sizes available (which I am told is basically more or less rice, no change in meat quantity). There is a selection of Pork, Chicken or just plain curry - not much of a choice, but I guess its better to specialise in somethign and be good at it, then be jack of all traits, master of none. I wouldn't say this restaurant has MASTERED curry katsu, but for the price and friendly staff, I'd say give it a shot ! Besides, in the whole time I was there, 3 of the 4 sets of customers that came and went were Japanese - that pretty much sums up what I have to say !

After a delightful meal at Go!Go!Curry!, we walked and talked for abit before heading down the basement of "HMV" building for some dessert. Its called "Sweet Spoon" or SOMETHING along that line, located opposite the Macdonalds, and Subway. I ordered Orh Nee (Yam Paste), DS ordered Almond paste. Now, I've tasted some pretty nasty Orh Nee before, this one just FAILS ! Flat on its face ! Why did it fail ? Taste was average (maybe cause I opted not to add in coconut milk), but the thing that really eerked me was the layer of oil (LITERALLY oil) on the surface of the dessert.... I tipped the bowl (like in the picture), and it did not take long before the oil flowed and collected at the tip of the bowl.... Guess the only saving grace for this stall is the SUPER friendly old ladies working there. They asked me how was the dessert, made some recommendations and all. They gave A+ service.

very "sad" this week
...

I signed up for this mentoring programme with MCYC, went through the selection interview, but like 3days from then I've not received any calls... ...

Emailed UNI-Y orientation camp organisers TWICE but no reply either.

Emailed the RedCross camp organisers as well, guess what ? - NO REPLY...

I'm beginning to think ... is charity really SOOOO hard to do ... getting frustrated cause I seem to be leading towards nowhere (in my efforts to join the Orientation Camps).

Attended RCIA yesterday, I actually had a SUPERB time ! I thoroughly enjoyed it. To think that only 5 hours before, I was complaining and ranting (bitching if you will) to BS about how I dread RCIA.. the 2.5hour sessions, the care group sessions with their "overly friendly" people (YES ! I'm not exaggerating. I felt they were just overly friendly... its me .. not them ... I'm just not THAT easily trusting.) I like know BS for 13+ going 14years now, and I only began sharing REAL personal stuff with him in recent years (like maybe the last 2 ???)

I read somewhere that I needa build "a strong social support structure" like a "HQ with high ranking generals I can confide in", on my way to achieving a more "WHOLESOME and well rounded lifestyle". Sometimes, reading too many self help books (I've just been reading 1 actually...) can become a scary thing, cause I began to learn alot about myself (some of which I've tried very hard over the years to bury, under lies, ego, "fantasy believes", and even religion !) It's like they say - The Truth Hurts ! But unlike the accompanying line and I quote "You can't handle the truth !" , I believe I can AND will. With the help of God, self and the "HQ general staff members" !

damn man ... its like 3am now and I cannot sleepzzzz.... Was watching "Step Brothers" with JK in the bunk like 7hours ago ? That was when I fell asleep for about 2hours in the most peculiar manner on the office sofa ! If there's anything I've taken home from the army, it's the ability to sleep in nearly any location and at any time. It's never a matter of if I'll sleep or not, it's a matter how comfortably and when. AND I kid you not - there was once when I was supporting some kind of live firing exercise (like I could here rifles, GPMGs, grenades) going on around me. All I had was the cabin of my 5TON, and I still managed to sleep soundly ! It would have been perfect if I could have left the A/C on, cause then I would not have to deal with mosquitoes.

Today I caught up on sleep at the medical centre while on standby duty. (the weird thing about this place, is that I kept having the "conscious sleeping" or "paralysis sleep" episodes !) I awoke 3 times, thinking that JK had returned with NL and was calling me to wake up, only to realise I could not cause i could not even move my body (its like being trapped in your head ! ) THREE TIMES ! The 4th time, JK was really by my side and nudging me to wake ! He actually told me that he had same experiences ..... and that all the drivers who had slept at where I slept had had that experience - which they attributed to the place being haunted (like thanks for telling me that only after my 1000000th time being in there....) I on the other hand don't really believe in that lar... it's probably the sleeping posture or the room temperature or something.